This is one of my favourite cheeky things to say. Mostly when my coffee isn’t quite hot enough, or Starbucks was out of pumpkin spice scones, or yesterday when my flats got wet cause I stepped in a puddle.

But honestly, my struggle has been real the past few weeks. I have been taking business coaching since March, and I was at a point this past month where I was done. I was so overwhelmed, and emotionally invested and I wasn’t getting what I needed out of it. I had set high expectations for myself and I wasn’t quite there.

I have been writing verbal diarrhea in my spiffy new “Adventure is Calling” journal and pretending I got this. But over the last year, many of you my have noticed my personal blog-posts have slowly stopped. I was worrying about writing the right thing, worried it wouldn’t fit into the “new” brand, and worrying mostly that I was doing this whole thing wrong. I was lost, when this whole coaching process was supposed to be about discovering who I am at the core….things were supposed to be more clear, not more confusing.

I had a breaking point last night. A good one. I picked a fight with Marco because he wasn’t helping me figure this out in the “right” way, and I realized that I get angry to hide the fact that I want to cry. You see, I am so sentimental. That’s me. 100%. I have a hard time showing people just how much so. So I hide it, behind frustrations, behind anger.

At the height of my frustration, I sent a slightly bitchy message to one of my closest friends and then dissolved in tears when I read her novel of a reply. She finally called me out on everything. I was searching too hard. Rather than just accepting me, and owning me, I was searching too hard for the me I have already found. And rather than owning who I am, and being okay with being vulnerable and putting myself out there to the world, being fully in, I was hiding behind “the search”. Hiding behind this idea in my head that I still had more to figure out, when what I really needed was to just look right in front of me at what I already had, and love me for me. It’s scary as shit ;)

So with the launch date on the calendar (I’m not gonna tell you quite yet when it is…but I promise it is less than a month away, so be ready!) I am focusing on the last minute details of site design, SEO, blog design, and a launch event :)

(And as it was pointed out to me yesterday, I should probably ready “Daring Greatly” again ;) – and no Brene Brown still doesn’t know we are best friends yet :) One day.

 

 

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